


The Human Centipede 3: Fifty Shades of Centipede

by Coconutice22



Series: TFW Cannot Be Trusted [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-16
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-08-22 15:59:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8291741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coconutice22/pseuds/Coconutice22
Summary: Castiel, Dean and Sam are left in a rather unfortunate mess after an encounter with Rowena. Inspired by the Human Centipede and Fifty Shades of Grey.





	

Sam's ostrich egg-sized balls dangled either side of his rolled-up calzone-esque penis. Said penis had been penetrating Castiel's anal beef curtains for the last 46 minutes, causing his watermellony balls to wobble to and fro. Both were sore, but Rowena's spell ensured they stayed in their fucktrain regardless.

Castiel, meanwhile, had been pounding into Dean's mouth as Dean knelt down low in front of Castiel. Every time Sam pounded into Castiel, Castiel was forced in his awkward position into Dean's mouth.

Castiel's penis was like a can of mushroom soup by this point, both in appearance and smell. His hot man juice came out the temperature of tepid water to gush down Dean's throat every few minutes. Dean, the human that he was, had long stopped being able to produce any more baby juice and was at this point rutting into his own fist with no hope of spewing forth more infant batter.

Their evening had started fairly standard for them. They'd turned up at the remote cabin Rowena had been using to stop her from casting the final spell that would give her mass mind control on important political figures worldwide. As she made her rapid escape, she'd sent some curse their way. Sam, Dean and Castiel had ended up in their current circumstances not much later, driven wild by the spell.

Dean's man carrot was starting to resemble a pink, inflatable dildo from how hard he was tugging it to give himself some relief. He only wished he'd had lube, otherwise an evening of sucking Castiel off wasn't a bad way to spend time. He considered spitting up some of the copious amounts of liquid gamete Cas was trying to coat his stomach in just to use as lube on his sorry pee pee.

Between gasps, Sam and Castiel tried to figure out what it was Rowena had cast. That it clearly caused unhinged sexual desire was all they could really figure out at this point. Through a series of knob-hobbled mumbles and some gesticulating, Dean made Sam and Castiel aware of the spell book Rowena had been reading from, still sitting on the floor where she'd knocked it off her lectern.

With some shuffling and grunting in the right direction, they were eventually able to fucktrain themselves over to where Rowena had left her big book of spells. Sam flicked through the book for a while, before coming across a page with the corner folded. “ _For emergencies,_ ” the handwritten note next to the spell read.

“It looks, ooof,” Sam grunted, pummeling his love handle into Castiel again, “like the spell was meant to make some kind of... creature?” He finished, confused at the diagram.

He handed the book over to Castiel. There was no point Dean seeing it since his mouth was a little full and communication through tongue-to-penis Morse code was not as easy as they thought it might be.

“It's a human centipede.”

“A what?”

“A creature of myth. We're meant really to be connected mouth to anus,” Castiel said, as if this was obvious. “Didn't you ever see the films? They are based on a real event.”

Dean made a disgusted noise, but the vibrations of his throat were soon interrupted as Castiel came again, dousing Dean's throat in hot love pudding.

“But as we're not mouth to anus, and are instead, penis to nether hole, to pie hole, something must have gone wrong,” Sam pointed out.

“Agreed. I suspect she didn't manage to finish the curse. Which is for the best. As much as I like rimming Dean, I'd rather keep my lower jaw as it is and do it.”

“Mmmmphhmufp,” added Dean, sucking on Castiel's crushed velvet-wrapped salami.

“We need to get someone to help us undo the curse. It's that or Dean and I,” Sam bit his lip and jilted his hips, drawing his anal blaster out as far as he could before the curse slammed his hips back in, pushing him into Castiel's behind once more, “will soon die of dehydration.”

Castiel sighed. “I guess there's only one thing for it.” He lifted a hand to grab Dean's cellphone from Dean's abandoned jeans.

Crowley was fourth on Dean's speed dial, he noted with underlying annoyance.

“In trouble again, are we Dean?” Crowley purred.

“Dean can't come to the phone right now,” Castiel replied stiffly.

“Oh. He's not really in trouble, is he? Not that I'd care if he was. Dean can go rot in hell, for all I care.”

“You'd like that, wouldn't you?” Castiel hissed.

“What?”

“Nothing. I'm calling because your mother has cursed the three of us into rather, ahhhhh, _compromising_ , ooooo, position.” Castiel tried not to pant, but with Sam inside him, sawing at his prostate like a lumberjack felling a tree, it was hard not to.

“Compromising?”

“Sexual. And we can't seem to, ohhhaahahaaahaaaaa, _Sam can you stop it for a moment?_ ” Cas snapped. “We can't seem to find a way out of it.”

“Oh I don't know, I'm not really that experienced with magic.” The door to the room opened up. Crowley walked through still talking on his phone. “But I guess this might be worth a look.”

“Ha.” Crowley proclaimed after taking a second to study them. “How long have you been stuck like this?”

“I'm pretty sure little Sam is going to drop off soon if we can't stop this.”

“Why, is the angel tight down there?”

“Let's just say it is lucky I was fisted this morning or I'm sure we'd all be in bigger trouble,” Castiel replied.

Crowley walked around the three of them, either admiring or assessing, but in any case taking in all the details. He sniffed the air in a way that made the fucktrain feel even more vulnerable somehow.

“Your mother got halfway through the spell before we forced her out with fire.”

Crowley picked up the spell book and studied its contents. “She was trying to human centipede you?”

“We had annoyed her a lot.”

“Hummms.”

“Can you stop this or not?” Castiel snapped. “Dean's going to be full of _Crème angelus_ before soon, he might start choking.”

Crowley hummed again and looked down admiringly at Dean's sweaty face. His lips stretched over Castiel's member, slowly filling up to his limit.

“You're not even slightly curious how much he can take before he pops?”

“Crowley!”

“What do I get in exchange for helping you?”

“So you can help us?”

“Oh, yes. Definitely,” he shrugged. Sitting down jauntily in a nearby chair so he could watch them all and yet still rest his feet.

Sam sighed. “You can come to our next movie night. Dean will make you popcorn.”

Crowley sat up straighter slightly with interest. “Two bowls of popcorn.”

For king of hell, his negotiation skills weren't up to much, Castiel thought. “Sure, two bowls.”

“And I can pick the movie?”

“Anything except for _Princess Bride_!”

“Mmmmphmmmmummph!” Dean murmured from his position of willy warmer.

“And Dean says no _Bridges of Madison_ County,” Castiel translated.

“I don't get why you hate that film so much Dean, it's a classic,” Sam added.

“Deal,” Crowley grinned. “We're going to watch _Dirty Dancing_ and after we're going to recreate the dances.”

The three in the fucktrain groaned and rolled their eyes.

Crowley walked towards them again. He took off his belt.

“Please don't tell me you're about to strip and join us? The spell hasn't caught you too, has it?” Sam sounded worried. If Crowley got involved, they were basically out of people who could perform magic for them.

“Nope.” Crowley looped his belt around and then before they realised what was happening, he used it to whack Dean on the buttocks half a dozen times. At some point during this, Dean had bit down on Castiel's little Cas ciabatta. Castiel reacted by yelping and dislodging himself from Dean's mouth, freeing himself at last. The move was enough to dislodge Sam too who groaned with relief.

Somehow, they were free.

Crowley smirked as he admired the red of Dean's buttocks.

“How the fuck did _that_ undo the curse?” Dean snarled.

“What curse?” Crowley answered in a very satisfied tone.

“The fuck curse, Crowley! Don't fuck with me. My insides are going to be sloshing with liquid for weeks after sucking on Cas that long.”

  
“There wasn't a curse,” Crowley shrugged. “I think you all _believed_ there was a curse. One, two, or maybe all three of you felt horny, and before you know it, you were merrily in a conga line of fucking. I couldn't feel any kind of magic energy coming off you. And the bitch queen's book over there? It indicates that the human centipede curse is only valid if the casting is finished in is entirety. As it wasn't... one could only conclude, you chose this.”

“Oh,” said Dean. That would explain some things. Sucking on throbbing meat thermometers was one of his favourite things.

“Oh,” said Cas. But he could hardly be blamed, getting banged while having his dingley dangley sucked was one of his favourite activities.

“Oh,” said Sam, who followed up with, “But how does that explain my manhood? It looks like a battered eggplant. And my balls, they're, well,” He lifted them up, one in each hand. They were most remarkable at this stage and easily could have passed for footballs.

“When _was_ the last time you had a full STD panel done? If I was you three, I'd get tested, and then buy enough condoms to stock a small country. Or maybe you just need to have sex more often, I don't know. I'll see you all on Friday for movie night.”

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I flaked doing an *actual* human centipede fic, but can ya blame me? I've also only read snippets of 50 Shades but I feel like I've captured the essence of it here. 
> 
> Written for the wonderful spncoldesthits, you guys rock! So happy to be participating again this month. I wish I had made this a bit longer, meep, but I kinda ran out of words for spunk (I do however have leftover food-as-penis-words on my list). Challenge post for this month:  
> [Spncoldesthits October](http://spncoldesthits.tumblr.com/post/151108898700/octobers-prompt-posting-dates-15-17-of-october)
> 
> You can find me on tumblr as [perfackles](http://www.perfackles.tumblr.com/) or [coconutice22](http://www.coconutice22.tumblr.com/) for my personal blog.


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